Of course, most wives would not consider public discussion of the sexual inadequacy in their marriages. For a variety of reasons they choose to keep their own counsel.
They may feel that their husband's dysfunction has origin in, or at least is magnified by, their own lack of physical appeal, or that they forced this inadequacy by their lack of competence of sexual functioning.
Most women identify completely with, and suffer for, their husbands in the sexual inadequacy. They feel warmth and sympathy and understand the psychosocial trauma created by his obvious failure in the marriage bed.
For a variety of reasons then, most women would not consider discussing their husband's sexual dysfunction even with their closest friend.
But most women, whether they accuse publicly or support privately, do not comprehend the degree to which they have directly influenced their husband's sexual inadequacy.
There is no such entity as an uninvolved partner in a marriage contending with any form of sexual inadequacy.
not a husband's or wife's problem.
Therefore, husband and wife should be treated simultaneously when symptoms of impotence distress the husband and wife. The Foundation will not treat a husband for impotence or a wife for non orgasmic return as single entities.
If not accompanied by his wife, the impotent husband is not accepted in therapy. Both marital partners have not only contributed to, but are totally immersed in, the clinical distress by the time any unit is seen in therapy.
How best to treat clinical impotence? The first tenet in therapy is to avoid the expected, direct clinical approach to the symptoms of erective inadequacy.
Secret of successful therapy (for this dysfunction):
is not to treat the symptoms of impotence at all, for to do so means attempting to train or educate the male to attain a satisfactory erection, and places the therapist at exactly the same psychological disadvantage as that of the impotent male trying to will an erection.
Therapists cannot supplant or improve on a natural process and achievement and maintenance of penile erection is a natural process.
The major therapeutic contribution involves convincing the emotionally distraught male that he does not have to be taught, to establish an erection. He cannot be taught to achieve an erection any more than he can be taught to breathe.
Erections develop just as involuntarily and with just as little effort as breathing. This is the salient therapeutic fact the disturbed man must learn. No man can will an erection.
Every impotent man has to negate or neutralize a number of psychosocial influences which have helped to create his sexual dysfunction if he is to achieve erective effectiveness.
However, the prevalent roadblock is one of fear. Fear can prevent erections just as fear can increase the respiratory rate or lead to diarrhea or vomiting.
At onset of therapy, the impotent man's fears of performance and his resultant spectator's role are described specifically by the cotherapists and must be accepted in totality by the distressed male if reversal of the sexual dysfunction is to be accomplished.
Every impotent male is only too cognizant of his fears of performance, and, once the point is emphasized, he also is completely aware of the involuntary spectator role he plays during the coital attempt.