At this time the question frequently asked by the male member of marital units whose concept of sexual interaction has been based primarily on the stock formula of perform, produce, and achieve is, "What if I feel like ejaculating?" It requires continuing effort by the cotherapists to convey the concept not only that acquiring ejaculatory control is possible but also that such facility usually is enhancing for the male as well as his female partner.
The couple must be educated to understand that ejaculatory control enlarges the range of sensual pleasure in the sexual relationship for both marital partners. However, it is appropriate for cotherapists to emphasize the fact that ejaculation or spontaneously occurring orgasm is not cause for alarm, nor is this involuntary breakthrough considered a breach of direction.
The husband and wife must be reassured that if such a breakthrough from the original direction occurs, the experience should be enjoyed for itself. Within a reasonable length of time, the unit is encouraged to provide another opportunity in which to follow the originally described interactive concepts.
When the husband has developed security of erective maintenance, the episodes of vaginal containment with exploratory pelvic thrusting should continue for as long as both partners demonstrate pleasurable reactions. At appropriate intervals during the total coital episode, the partners should separate two or three times and lie together in each other's arms.
Once rested, they should return to whatever manner of manual sensate pleasuring they previously enjoyed and continue without any concept of time demand. They should remount, again using the female-superior position, repeating earlier opportunity for the wife's stimulative proprioceptive awareness of vaginal containment of the penis to be emphasized by alternate periods of exploratory thrusting and lying quietly together in coital connection.
The timing and duration of sexually stimulative activity should follow the directive formula as outlined in Therapy topic. Generally interpreted, any period of time is acceptable that emerges from mutual interest and continues to be enjoyable for both marital partners without incidence of either emotional or physical fatigue.
Once both partners have been successfully educated to employ experimental pelvic movement during their episodes of coital connection rather than following the usual prior pattern of demanding pelvic thrusting, a major step has been accomplished.
Women have little opportunity to feel and think sexually while pursuing or receiving a pattern of forceful pelvic thrusting before their own encompassing levels of excitation are established.
If a woman initiates the demanding thrusting, she usually is attempting to force or to will an orgasmic response. The wife repeatedly must be assured that this forceful approach will not contribute to facility of response.
If the husband initiates the driving, thrusting coital pattern, the wife must devote conscious effort to accommodate to the rhythm of his thrusting, and her opportunity for quiet sensate pleasure in coital connection is lost.
Frequently, it is of help to assure the wife that once the marital unit is sexually joined, the penis belongs to her just as the vagina belongs to her husband. When vaginal penetration occurs, both partners have literally given of themselves as physical beings in order to derive pleasure, each from the other.