Once the husband and wife can mount with security, another specific male fear of performance will surface. Impotent men having achieved intromission successfully still have not satisfied their performance fears.
They immediately question whether the penis will retain sufficient rigidity for continuation of effective coital connection. These specific fears are easily obviated by once again contraindicating performance.
It is authoritatively suggested first that the female move slowly up and down on the shaft of the penis, which she can do with facility in the described positioning. She is to move backward and forward rather than sit down on the penis.
Regardless of her high levels of sexual demand, the wife should concentrate only on the concept of penile containment, without moving into the demanding type of pelvic thrusting that may have been her pattern in the past whenever opportunity presented.
Understandably, in past patterning, she has tried to take advantage of whatever degree of erection was available in attempting to satisfy her own sexual needs.
The cotherapists must explain before exposure to any coital opportunity that a demanding pattern of female pelvic thrusting is indeed threatening to any man with erective insecurity.
Demanding female participation in coital connection is immediately distracting to the impotent male, for his performance fears come flooding back.
Obvious female demand demonstrated at this time is devastating to maintenance of erection.
The husband fears that he will not be able to sustain an erection quality sufficient to satisfy his sexual partner. He worries about his response instead of enjoying the sensual pleasures of the moment.
His distraction leads to some loss of erection security.
Once conscious of loss of any degree of the erection, the impotent man panics, forgetting immediately that by his own actions as a phantom spectator, he distracts himself from sensate input.
When he succumbs to this response pattern, the penis becomes flaccid in seconds, to the utter frustration of both sexual partners.
Both partners must learn that there is no time demand inherent in this female mounting technique. If the erection is satisfactory, intromission proceeds; if not, play is continued without pressure until a satisfactory erection does develop.
If erection does not develop
During a comfortable period of time with mutual play, there is never to be an attempt to force the issue. When by authoritative edict there is to be no forcing of the issue, erection usually is secured without difficulty.
After the wife has taken her turn at the sensate pleasure of feeling and thinking sexually while moving pelvically in a slow, non demanding manner on the penile shaft, it is suggested that she in turn remain quiet, and the husband is encouraged to thrust slowly, concentrating on the sensate pleasures to be derived from the feelings of vaginal constriction and warmth of containment, and the sensations engendered by his wife’s lubrication.
Foreplay and Fondle
His concept in participating in the slow pelvic thrusting should be one of giving and receiving sensate pleasure just as though he were stroking his wife’s back, rubbing her neck, or running his fingers through her hair.
In this warm way he is distracted from concerns of performance, and the biophysical and psychosocial stimulative input of sensate pleasure is encouraged. The sensual stimuli from his vaginal containment get through to him in a non-demanding manner.
His observation of his wife’s free, non demanding, coital cooperation frees him from any concept of pressuring from her and allows him to avail himself of the pleasure of her sensual response to his slow thrusting pattern.
With her specific coital positioning, he simultaneously can enjoy breast play and vaginal containment. Once he indulges himself in his sexual opportunities, the overwhelming sensual input tends to distract from any previous patterning of performance concern or spectator role. Again, he is not performing.
He is consciously pleasuring and being pleasured by intravaginal containment in a totally none demanding, yet warmly pleasant and sexually satisfying fashion.
On subsequent days both partners are encouraged to move to simultaneous pelvic pleasuring, feeling, thinking, and concentrating only on the sensations involved in this mutuality of their sexual stimulation.
There must not be concern for satisfying the wife or forcing ejaculation by the husband. When these end points of sexual functioning occur during coition, they should be by happenstance, involuntarily, naturally, and mutually rewarding, but never by direction.