CategoriesImpotence Cure

Alternative Impotent Treatment

Often both husband and wife find that partial or complete penile erection develops when they are merely following directions to pursue alternative sensate patterns of “pleasuring” one another without direct physical approach to the pelvic areas.

Whether a full erection develops during the first days of concentration on sensate focus is of little moment.

What is important, erection or not, is for cotherapists to take advantage of the marital-unit’s newfound means of physical communication, that of providing mutually for each other’s sensate pleasure, in order to describe in detail the concept of erection as a natural physiological reaction.

Attain Erection

Again and again therapists should hammer at the basic principle that erective attainment, like breathing or bowel or bladder function, is a capacity men are born with, not a function they must be trained to accomplish.

Husband and wife are assured and reassured that no man can will an erection and that the only thing accomplished by such attempts is blocking of sensate input from his sexual partner.

The concept of the biophysical and psychosocial systems of influence aids immeasurably in marital comprehension of the previously inexplicable results accrued from blocking of sensate input.

There are other advantages to the members of the sexually dysfunctional couple than absorption of the pleasures of sensate focus during the first two or three days after the roundtable discussion.

This is a necessary period of mental and physical relaxation from the high tension levels inherent in the strain of cooperating with the detailed personal evaluations scheduled during the first three days of participation in the program.

This respite also provides for release of nervous tensions accumulated during the last few days or weeks before husband and wifes move to meet scheduled appearance dates at the Foundation.

Finally, there is mutual opportunity to reestablish lines of communication of both verbal and nonverbal variety.

These lines of communication have been markedly inhibited or essentially destroyed by the physical tensions and the psychic trauma developing directly from and/or secondary to their sexually dysfunctional status.

On the second day, after the roundtable discussion, the program moves toward coordinating the theoretical discussions between cotherapists and the couple, described above, and the specific functional directions to be followed by husband and wife in the privacy of their bedroom.

Instructions are given to return to sensate focus procedures during the subsequent 24 hours.

Male and Female Genitalia

Direct approach to the male and female external genitalia, including the female breast, is encouraged. Underscored positively is the instruction that there is no concern for the amount of vaginal lubrication nor the effectiveness of the penile erection or, for that matter, whether or not there is any lubrication or an erection.

The essence of the directions is that each individual take advantage of this non demanding opportunity to show what most pleases him or her in any overt sexual approach to the pelvic organs.

When the husband is to excite his wife, it is suggested that they, rather than he, participate in her pleasuring and at her direction. After a comfortable period of sensate stroking of her total body area, the approach to the pelvic area should be under her control.

The wife’s hand should be placed on her husband’s to guide and to show him what really pleases her in terms of manual positioning, pressure, direction, or rapidity of stroking. There is positive reinforcement for any man learning what really pleases the women of his choice by having her quietly show him the specifics of her sensual interest.

Then the husband must, in return, provide educative opportunity for his wife. When his wife, after tracing his face, rubbing his back, or playing with his fingers, approaches his pelvic area, his hand should be on hers.

In this most effective form of nonverbal communication, he must indicate which of the multiple varieties of pelvic approach provides the most pleasure for him.

The particular areas of the penis:
are the most sensitive, the comfortable degree of manual constriction of the penile shaft, and the desired rapidity and tension of penile stroking are basic information that a wife wants to learn from her husband.

Anything that husband or wife might have learned from prior masturbatory experience that would tend to increase the levels of sensate pleasure should be shared freely with the marital partner. Often this material can only be elicited at the direction of the cotherapist.

At this time, authority should strongly emphasize in joint session that acquiring mechanical or technical skill is not a major focus of therapy.

For example
It is important for a husband to know how to approach the clitoral area when stimulating his wife, but therapists should point out that a physical approach that is exciting for the wife today may be relatively non stimulative or even irritating tomorrow.

Attaining skill at physical stimulation is of minor moment compared to the comprehension that this is but another, most effective means of marital-unit communication.

It should be underscored constantly that what really is happening in their private sessions of physical expression is that a man and a woman committed to each other are learning to communicate their physical pleasures and their physical irritations in an area that heretofore in our culture has been denied the dignity of freedom of communication.

What better level of nonverbal communication can be attained between the impotent man and his wife than, when placing his hand on hers, he teaches her what really pleases him in penile stimulation.

With cotherapists constantly emphasizing the demand to open the lines of communication within the sexually traumatized couple, and husband and wife establishing their nonverbal communication at the most important of all communicative levels, that of the marriage bed, the marital couple is really doing its own therapy.

They are teaching each other specifically what pleases. Although they frequently do not realize it at this stage in their therapy, husband and wife are focusing their attention on each other rather than involuntarily assuming roles as spectators to physical response and thus perpetuating their mutual fears for his performance.

CategoriesImpotence Cure

Alternative Erection Treatment

The basic means of treating the sexually distraught marital relationship is, of course, to re-establish communication. The most effective means of encouraging communication is through a detailed presentation of information.

There must be a point of departure, a common meeting ground for the traumatized members of any sexually dysfunctional marriage.

How better to provide for mutuality of interest and understanding than to educate the distressed husband and wife to effective sexual functioning by dispelling their sexual misconceptions, misinformation, and taboos?

Erection Treatment

The couple progress in the educational program is by encouraging verbal communication. The details of the techniques necessary for the unit to reverse the sexual inadequacy are spelled out in finite detail during the approximately 10 days remaining for therapy after the roundtable discussion.

As sexual function improves
these techniques for biophysical release are held out as rewards to direct attention toward mutuality of interest and expression, while marital disharmony is attacked directly.

When there is obvious improvement in physical responsivity, the distressed unit members are only too eager to reestablish a firm, secure marital state. They are most attentive to the educational process, for they shortly come to realize that permanent reversal of the dysfunctional symptomatology relates directly to the health of the marriage.

When husband and wife visualize the results of their biophysical progression on a daily basis, they are intent upon providing the best possible psychosocial climate for continuing improvement once separated from direct professional control.

Obviously, the more stable the marriage the better the climate for effective sexual functions. Again, the marital relationship per se is under treatment at the Foundation, not its principals.

Discussions:
of the distractions of fears of performance and the spectator role, plus the necessity for duality of biophysical and psychosocial input from sexually stimulative activity, are conducted with both marital partners during the three days subsequent to the roundtable discussion.

The acceptance of the “performance” and “spectator” concepts moves the husband and wife well along the road to full appreciation of the mutuality of their involvement with the impotent state.

From a psychotherapeutic point of view, the next step is to suggest to both members of the husband and wife ways and means of avoiding the basic distractions of the spectator role and the fears of performance.

An effective way:
To prevent fears of performance is to state unequivocally to both husband and wife that as they attempt to follow therapeutic suggestion in the privacy of their bedroom there is no demand for good marks in their daily report on their degree of success in following the functional directions.

Authority is infinitely more interested in the distressed couple making its mistakes, describing them in joint sessions with the cotherapists, and absorbing information to correct them in the immediacy of a 24-hour period, than in providing a cheering section.

We tend to learn more from our mistakes than from our successes. The first step toward relief from fears of performance is to define the Foundation’s position that failures of function not only are expected but are anticipated as an integral part of the process of reorienting the sexually dysfunctional male.

Once the husband and wife fully accepts the concept that perfect report cards are not the order of the day, a major facet of concern for performance has been removed. The impotent male’s first reaction to functional suggestions is to attempt to force responsivity in order to satisfy presumed authoritative demand. When it is made exquisitely clear that there is no authoritative interest in a perfect performance, his sense of relief is indeed obvious.

Remaining fears for sexual function can be neutralized by the direction that there be no attempt at coital connection during the first few days of therapy.

Cotherapists should emphasize that there is concern whether or not the husband achieves an erection, for, even if he does, there should be no attempt by either husband or wife to take advantage of the erective state and move to ejaculation by either manipulative or coital opportunity. When any possibility of coital connection is obviated by authoritative direction, fears of performance disappear.

Erection Insecurity

At the termination of the roundtable discussion, the husband and wife contending with erective insecurity move directly into a discussion of and application of sensate-focus material. At this stage of treatment, any direct approach to the male pelvis, female breast, and female pelvis is contraindicated.

The husband and wife relax from their prior anxious concepts of specific or demanding sexual functioning and, possibly for the first time, devotes total concentration through sensate focus toward pleasuring one another.

Quiet, non-demanding stroking of the back, the face, the arms, the legs, provides an opportunity to give and to receive sensate pleasure, but, of far greater importance, opportunity to think and to feel sexy without the orientation to performance.

Incompetent Male

Previously, the incompetent male, frozen into his demand for erective security, has blocked sensate input either primarily, from his wife’s direct physical approach or secondarily, from his effective elevation of her sexual tensions.

With sexual performance not only contraindicated but denied, the husband is quite free to receive sensate input from both direct and indirect sources, since his block to sensate pleasure (fear of performance) has been removed by authoritative interdiction of coital opportunity,

At this time the cotherapists describe in detail the concept of the dual systems of influence operant at all times in perception and interpretation of sexual stimuli.

It is explained that the two systems of influence, the biophysical and the psychosocial structures, produce varying degrees of positive or negative input during opportunities for sexual expression. It is emphasized that these two systems operate in an interdigital manner, although without compulsion for mutual support.

Once the couple accepts this working formula, sensate input can be comprehended. With comprehension come attitudinal receptivity and the potential for sensate pleasure.